Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
