Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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