I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.