Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  barbara walters just said penis...

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  (650): barbara walters just said penis... http://tfl.nu/ninz
  Replies (10) Good night (2714) Bad night (806)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Sorry, I don't speak sober.

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  (613): Sorry, I don't speak sober. http://tfl.nu/dwuu
  Replies (8) Good night (4142) Bad night (594)
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  (650): View more from California

  last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

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  (650): last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.' http://tfl.nu/3iza
  Replies (16) Good night (5474) Bad night (1225)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

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  (717): just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high. http://tfl.nu/38z6
  Replies (24) Good night (4334) Bad night (992)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand

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  (781): what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand http://tfl.nu/hzsn
  Replies (8) Good night (4590) Bad night (951)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.

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  (304): I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn. http://tfl.nu/xmj5
  Replies (10) Good night (6251) Bad night (1307)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants

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  (903): So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants http://tfl.nu/066x
  Replies (12) Good night (3204) Bad night (1158)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.

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  (915): I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something. http://tfl.nu/u0v6
  Replies (5) Good night (3083) Bad night (840)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.

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  (425): i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach. http://tfl.nu/qjk8
  Replies (1) Good night (1063) Bad night (1050)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...

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  (814): I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too... http://tfl.nu/zmym
  Replies (5) Good night (618) Bad night (1180)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.

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  (440): I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding. http://tfl.nu/u15s
  Replies (17) Good night (2161) Bad night (469)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really

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  (+44): although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really http://tfl.nu/kxvm
  Replies (2) Good night (436) Bad night (197)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th

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  (307): Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th http://tfl.nu/6ns8
  Replies (5) Good night (533) Bad night (229)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle

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  (512): I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle http://tfl.nu/8dq3
  Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (227)
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  (760): View more from California

  I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.

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  (760): I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream. http://tfl.nu/cnux
  Replies (2) Good night (237) Bad night (583)

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