with your own penis?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me