Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.