I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.