yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
