Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was confusing and full of hummus
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
