Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
