Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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