HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
