I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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