Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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