i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
