i jhust puked up my retainher.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
