the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
