New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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