At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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