Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
