Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
