So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
