i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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