We got so high we made milksteak
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
