haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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