The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
