I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
