Soap is not a condiment
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
