I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
