i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
