you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
