I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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