I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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