go do what you do best...puke behind churches
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sext me about skeletons
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