I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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