Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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