No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
