We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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