I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
