Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
