didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
