Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
