My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we should paint friendship bongs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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