I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
