who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't deserve a penis
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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