the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
