Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
