I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
