Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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