Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're my little dorito
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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