Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
