Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
