I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
