god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
