I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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