I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
