After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
