Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
