Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
