remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Quick, to the slutcave!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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