ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
