if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
