i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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