i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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