did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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