I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
